Help, I am addicted

What do you usually do when you read about addiction or hear people talk about it? Do you ignore or pay attention? Addiction is one of the major problems we have in our world today. A lot of people have lost their lives, home, joy, family and all they hold dear because of addiction.

Unfortunately, some people with addiction problem are not aware that their behaviour is out of control and causing problems for themselves and loved ones. While some addicts find it difficult to admit their addiction even when they are aware of the pain they are causing their loved ones.

For some of us who may not understand what addiction is, it is defined as a brain disorder characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli despite adverse consequences. Psychology Today, puts it this way ‘Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance (e.g., alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (e.g., gambling, sex, television, shopping, masturbation, pornography, etc) that can be pleasurable but the continuation of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary responsibilities and concerns, such as work, relationships, or health’.

In my line of work, I have had to counsel or conduct therapy sessions for some clients who are struggling with addiction especially addiction to television, sex, nicotine, pornography and masturbation. Some were highly depressed and suicidal because addiction had eaten deep into the very fibre of their being; negatively affecting things they hold dear.

To you who may not be addicted, what would happen if you find out that your spouse is addict to pornography, masturbation, nicotine, sex, television and the likes? Would you divorce your spouse? Or encourage your spouse to seek for help and love him/her through the process? What of if it is your child who is addicted or a loved one who is very close to you? And if you are the one addicted, what have you done to get help and what are you willing to do to regain your freedom from addiction?

Living in denial or being ashamed to seek help for yourself or loved ones won’t get you anywhere. It is time to come out of the closet to receive the love, care and freedom you desire. A lot of people are addicted to so many other things, so you are not alone in this. Do not invite or accept condemnation into your life and family when God hasn’t condemned you. Love conquers all. As long as you/they are willing to get help, don’t give up just yet.

If you are not an addict or know anyone who is, that’s okay. However, you need to know that many people are struggling with different forms of addiction. Have you ever wondered what goes on in the mind of an addict – how it all started, why it is almost always done in secret and why they can’t seem to stop even when they try to? Hopefully this write-up will throw a little light on it.

My focus today is addiction to pornography. Before now, you have to be intentional about watching pornography, as you will literally have to know the link or search for their websites deliberately. However nowadays, their links, pictures and videos pop up even when you are not looking for them. A lot of children, teenagers and youths are now addicted to pornography because of this. So when you give your children or wards mobile devices and access to Internet, please remember parental guidance.

Many people have lost their job, marriage, academic excellence and many more due to addiction. The struggle against pornography is as real as the air you breathe. I have seen and spoken with people from all works of life that are addicted – from children to youths and elders. Even the so called ‘holy’ and religious ones are not even exempted. Unfortunately addiction is no respecter of age, gender, stature, race or otherwise.

For any addict who wants to break free from addiction but finds it difficult to and is ashamed to talk about this secret habit, I would like to let you know that you can recover from all forms of addiction, including pornography. Remember, the battle is first won in the mind. Don’t be ashamed to seek for help. Recovering from addiction is not easy but it is worth it. All you need is one step at a time and one day at a time. With determination and consistency, you will get there.

Below is a list of questions on pornography asked from different perspectives.

Individual Perspective:
1. I am a committed Christian/Muslim who is not sexually active but like watching pornography, is something wrong with me?
2. Why do I keep watching it even when I know I should stop?
3. Can watching pornography affect me negatively in anyway?
4. I want my partner to role play the acts in porn movies and it is affecting our relationship
5. I have been addicted for so long and can’t seem to break free. What are the steps I need to take overcome my addiction?
6. Is God mad at me for watching pornography?

Marital perspective:
1. How can my spouse love me and look at porn when he/she knows it hurts me?
2. Why does my spouse prefer porn to sex with me?
3. Why am I not enough if I am sexually available to my spouse?
4. My spouse says everybody is doing it. Am I making too big a deal out of this?
5. My spouse refuses to get help or admit this is a problem. What should I do?
6. How can I make my spouse stop? What are the risks for not stopping?
7. Is there hope? Can a spouse like this change?
8. My spouse addiction is out of control, should I leave my marriage?
9. My spouse is a religious leader yet addicted to pornography, what can I do?
10. What important tips can you give me to help my marriage?

Parental perspective:
1. My child has phone, ipad, tablet and computer with access to Internet. How can I protect him/her from pornography?
2. How can I help my child quit pornography if I find out he/she is addicted?
3. What steps can my child take personally to break his/her addiction?
4. What should I do if I find out that my child’s best friend is an addict?
5. My domestic staff made my children watch pornography with them. What should I do?
6. How can I deal with my spouse who introduced our child to pornography?
7. The school teacher exposed my child to pornographic pictures after school hours
8. My child was made to watch pornography during a sleep over
9. My neighbour taught my child how to search for pornographic sites
10. What filters can I use to prevent my child from watching pornographic sites that pop up unexpectedly?

If you or anyone you know are seeking for answers to these questions, please book a session with a counsellor or a therapist to help you deal with and regain freedom. Do not let it turn your life upside down, you can be free TODAY.

Go to my YouTube channel to watch my clips on addiction. Click Here

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